You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
