We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
