i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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