i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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