I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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