I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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