I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
