i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
