so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
