I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you mean i was at the winter classic?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
