I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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