1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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