i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
