Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
