My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
