So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
