I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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