areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
