Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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