We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
