It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Randomize
