trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
