Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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