I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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