It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Couch. On fire.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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