I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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