pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
