Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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