Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
