the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
