so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
