i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
