Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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