it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
