I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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