Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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