I just pynch a tree in the face
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is the high leading the old right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
