i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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