All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
