there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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