They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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