isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
