Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
