Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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