I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
