Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
