It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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