dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
