somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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