theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
