my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When are your genitals available?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
