with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
