so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
