I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
