We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
