He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
