He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
