we have pet lesbian snakes
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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