your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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